


if everything is an opinion i want to hear yours

by solus_piccolo



Series: a philosopher and a mechanical engineer walk into a lecture hall [1]
Category: Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, First Meetings, Fluff and Crack, Getting Together, Human Wade Wilson, M/M, Pretty Wade Wilson, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Unscarred Wade Wilson, but its cute ig, i dont like that tag !!!!!, thats better - Freeform, there's sort of no point for this, wade IS pretty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 00:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19262632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solus_piccolo/pseuds/solus_piccolo
Summary: peter goes to wade to ask him to fix the grade of one student who is in both their classes. it doesn't happen exactly as he planned.





	if everything is an opinion i want to hear yours

**Author's Note:**

> this is a college professor's au. i thot it would be so funny to make wade a philosophy professor for some reason, but he also seems cut out for that tbh, and peter i just took a pick for one of the smart things. he seems cut out for that as well, idk but yeah i hope this makes some kinda sense. lemme know. comments are love <3
> 
> also i've realized how long this is and holy crap wth... literally what.

Peter realized he should have been expecting this to be more difficult. The other professors had been gossiping about a ridiculous, borderline insane professor for months now but he had never paid it any mind. He should have. He really should have because that borderline _insane_ professor was now a thorn in his side, one he seemed unable to escape from—even if he wanted to.

That thorn had a name, it was Wade Wilson. 

It all began when Peter had just finished teaching his last class of the evening, he had bid the class a farewell. A smile on his face as they left and he started collecting his papers, he noticed movement in his peripheral and looked up to see Becca Walters. One of his brightest students in a long time. The forlorn look on her face told him that something was very much wrong. She was usually always smiling.

"Is everything alright, Becca?" He asked abandoning his bag.

She stared resolutely at the ground and wouldn't meet his gaze. "Well, uh. Yes, but also no. Everything is great with your class, as always." She pushed the tip of her shoe against the tile. "However, I'm going to fail one of my other classes because the teacher is... he's unbalanced to put it nicely. He failed my paper and wouldn't give me a reason why or give me the chance to re-do it. It was half my grade."

Peter nodded encouragingly. She looked up, face pinched and continued, "I was wondering if you could speak to him. I know this is asking a lot—but I already tried and if... I thought if it was another professor maybe it would change things. And if it doesn't I know I at least tried everything."

"Of course. I'll go do it now, if he's still here."

She brightened and simultaneously sagged with relief. "Thank you, Mr. Parker!"

He just smiled slightly at her and went back to packing his bag. Once he was done he turned to her and asked, "Where is his lecture hall? And if he has no more classes, his office." He paused in consideration. "Also, what is his name?"

* * *

 

After he and Becca went their separate ways he went to the lecture hall Becca had directed him to and was not surprised to see the lights on and people still seated; she'd told him he still had a class. He thought, as every stride he made took him closer to a confrontation with another professor that he should have asked her more questions. He should be less inclined to hear a sob story and go running to right it without any information at all. However, it was just in his nature to want to right something that had been done wrong to someone, in whatever way he could.

Peter entered as quietly as possible and took a seat at the back. Wade Wilson was the campus' philosophy professor, and although he seemed very dispassionate about teaching it, he did teach in a very amusing way. All jokes, banter, and exaggeration—tangents and rhetoric sprinkled in to top it off.

Although… if you really listened and thought there was a lesson there, underneath all of that nonsensical nonsense that really just sounded like words taking up air—at first.

The quote that was up for discussion was written up on the board, _'Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. - Marcus Aurelius'_ Peter himself was familiar with the quote, he himself had studied philosophy when he'd been in college. Not because he thought it'd be easy (he did, and it was) but because he was actually interested. In what all the fuss was about, and because he liked to think of himself as an optimist and philosophy seemed to be the place for his type of person.  

Wades' students seemed to be having a debate for quite some time after his initial teaching. He seemed content to watch them until it descended to insults on the part of one of the young men, then he sighed and scrubbed his face.

"Okay, how about we not lower ourselves to insults? I mean, personally I love a little low-ball insult but as a professional, and as your professor I feel it is my duty to reprimand you. In a debate all that does is show you are of lower intelligence. Sit your ass down." He stood from where he leaned against his desk. "If you have anything else to say, that _isn't_ stupid, I'm all ears. You can stay standing if you do."

The poor kid flushed blood red and scowled, Peter honestly felt a tad sorry for him. "Are you ever gonna teach us anything that's actually useful? Or anything at all? You don't ever actually teach us, you just go on useless rants." He hissed.

Any sympathy Peter felt drained away at the words that came out of his mouth. Peter sighed. 

Wade's calm demeanor did not falter, he only smiled and seemed mildly amused. "I said if you had anything that wasn't fucking stupid you could stand and speak, I am disappointed but not surprised." He said. The kid glared harder and stayed standing, Wade smiled wider like that's what he had, in fact, been expecting and what he had wanted. "Alright, if that's how you want to do this, that's how we'll do it."

He clapped his hands together and looked around at his class. "Class, something special is about to happen, so keep your eyes pealed. A verbal decimation is about to occur." He walked a few back to his desk, seemingly to get comfortable again. "I do not make my teachings easy, no—however I do not make them impossibly. If you listened, and used your brain you would understand."

"Are you calling me stupid?"

Wade full out grinned. "I'm not calling you stupid. I already did. It's old news." He started inspecting his fingernails. "Now, back to the matter at _hand_. Am I ever going to teach you anything useful? Probably not."

The kid frowned but then seemed floored. Wade raised an eyebrow.

"You're the ones who picked this class and I can probably guess why, you think it's going to be an easy A. That's why I make you work to learn, why I make you think. However, am I going to teach you anything useful? Probably not." He shrugged. "Anything you're going to use in your daily lives that helps you immensely, most definitely not. You might get a new perspective, it might help you in some situations but this shit isn't gonna change your lives."

The kid only stared at him as Wade stared at his nails and narrowed his eyes as if he had found something. "If I were to say you were a cat would it make it true?" He asked all of the sudden.

The kids frown deepened. "I—no? No, it wouldn't."

Wade looked up from his nails and nodded, not commenting on the hesitation. "Correct. What makes it so?" He asked.

"Because I'm a human?"

Wade sighed and shook his head. He pointed to the board behind him. "No, idiot. We just had this discussion... on how I make you think. Think." He waited. When he received no response he rolled his eyes. "Because its an opinion."

He looked away from the kid but motioned with a flick of his fingers and a dismissing, "Sit, Richards."

Richards sat.

"That shit-show actually brought me to where I was going to go with this lesson anyway. It just did it in a much more interesting way. Now... who is to say Richards is actually human?"

"Hey!"

Wade cut a look to Richards. "Shut up.  _This_ part is not a diss, this is actually for the lesson. Not my own personal amusement." He promised. Peter almost laughed.

A boy and girl raised their hands. Wade nodded his head, said, "Go head, Tera."

"Because everything was decided by us," she stated. "All of those things are opinions, not facts."

Wade made a noise of praise and raised his hands in joy. "Tera, I could buy you a car I'm so fucking proud right now." He turned to his class. "See, that's what an intellectual looks like. She's not a fucking idiot. Y'all need to get on your shit if you wanna pass this class. It's not that hard, hell,  _I_ did it."

He nodded to himself and smiled slightly. "Anyway, yes. Tera, I will bring you brownies next class." There was a whoop of delight. "Humans made up words with meaning connected to them, who is to say that the word—I don't know—sock doesn't mean refrigerator. Humans... are we really humans? Who is to say we're not cats? Who decided cats were cats in the first place? These are all opinions."

He clapped again and then did a motion with his hand that had Peter grinning and holding back another laugh.

"Boom! Mic-drop." He had metaphorically dropped the mic. "I bet that fucked with your heads."

He glanced at the clock. "We have like fifteen minutes left of class but I've run out of material and shit to say so get the fuck out," he ordered. "Oh, remember to study for the test next week."

There were a few groans and the sounds of shuffling as the students collected their things and headed off, probably for the night as this was one of the latest classes. 

Peter sat for a moment to collect himself, watching Wade teach was an experience of a different sort. He’d never seen anything like it, he wondered how his students felt after every lesson. Was it like this? When he was done thinking he stood and began to head down to were Wade was wiping the board. Wade hadn't turned around, he just continued to diligently wipe the board down and Peter was content to watch him do it when Wade finally said, "Adam's, this better not be you asking me about extra-fucking-credit again. The answer is no. I already gave everyone one opportunity to do it, it's not my fault you went and screwed yourself on that one. Only now that you've fucked it up big time you come whining for the extra credit." 

He found it all incredibly amusing, the way Wade was just so free with his students. If not a bit harsh, but that was real too. Not everyone was going to sugarcoat everything for you all the time. Peter said nothing and as Wade finally turned around he paused, expression one of clear surprise. 

"You're not Adam's," Wade surmised. 

"No, I'm not."

"And you're not one of my students," He continued. He put the eraser down. "Who might you be?"

Peter smiled slightly. "I'm Peter Parker, I teach Mechanical Engineering." 

Wade's eyebrows pulled together quizzically and he looked Peter over analytically. He took a few beats pause before he said, "You look like you're fucking seventeen." 

Peter scowled. "I'm twenty-three, I'll have you know." 

The man's eyebrows went up. "You don't look it," he replied. 

"Yes, well you don't look or seem the type to be teaching philosophy. Looks can be deceiving can they not?" 

Wade glanced at him for a moment before he started laughing. 

"I like you." He went around to his desk and and leaned against his desk again. "What brings you here?"

The question caused Peter to pause. He'd been so wrapped up in watching him teach and with speaking with him that he'd almost forgotten to bring it up, he was just going to continue talking to him. "One of my students," Peter stated. 

The professors body language turned slightly tenser, his face becoming more stony and less open. Peter frowned. 

"Which one?" 

"Becca Walters." 

 Wade made an 'ah' noise and nodded. When Peter didn't reply to that non-response or fill the silence he said, "I see." Peter must've made an expression because he continued. "Her grade is the way it is for a reason. I don't just fail someone for fuck-all."

"I never said you did," Peter replied. "However, she said you didn't give her a reason as to why her essay—which is a significant percentage of her final grade—was graded so poorly?" 

Wade paused and frowned at him. "Of course she didn't tell you," he muttered. Then, "Well, I didn't tell her that I knew, either." Peter's frown only grew. "It was plagiarized." 

Peter was shocked. Becca never seemed like the type to do something like that but of course he believed it. He'd had people plagiarize such easy and simple things in the stupidest ways possible that he knew the likelihood of it being a mistake were slim to none. Plus, with how Wade taught, maybe she'd thought the class would have been easier and then was rudely awakened when she discovered it was anything but. 

"I see," Peter repeated Wade's earlier words. 

"That is why she is doing so poorly in my class and that is why I will not change her grade." 

Peter made a motion with his hand that was more a sweeping-shooing movement than anything else. "No, I... I understand and I completely agree," he admitted. 

Wade gazed at him for a minute. "She sent you down here to do her dirty work?" He inquired. 

He shrugged. "She was distressed and she called you unbalanced." He allowed. 

Wade let out a laugh. Peter took the time to take in Wade's facial features for the first time, to really look. Brown hair, hazel eyes, annoyingly perfect teeth, and built... really solidly. Overall, a really good example of  the male specimen. Peter thought he was kinda pretty, but he didn't think too deeply about it. 

This was a professional atmosphere, he was a professional. This was work where he would be... professional. 

"That's a fairly accurate description," Wade replied. "The other professors calling me nuts, and psychotic is getting old; however, that is the best, most accurate, and most tame of the descriptions of my mental state." 

He seemed amused but what he was saying made Peter upset. He'd heard things but he'd assumed people were smart enough not to let Wade hear them. He'd assumed wrongly. Clearly. Wade was grinning, and seemingly not bothered but since he was saying it and aware of it Peter suspected that wasn't the full truth of it. 

"People can be dicks," Peter told him. Wade's grin faltered in shock before it came back full force and he was doubled over laughing. 

"H-holy..." he stopped to wheeze. "It's like hearing a three year old curse." 

"Hey!" Peter protested. He was still laughing and incoherent. "You said I look at least seventeen. Now, it's been reduced to three?" That made a new fit of laughs start as Wade had finally been calming down, tears were leaking out of the corners of his eyes. "It's not that funny..." Peter muttered sourly. 

"Yes, it is," Wade huffed. He wiped at his eyes. "And you do look at least seventeen, but hearing you curse is like hearing a toddler curse because you look so innocent. It's kinda unnerving and really funny." 

Peter pouted. "Whatever, I was trying to be nice." 

Wade snorted. "Okay, fine I'm sorry," he amended. Peter was staring at the wall and petulantly refused to look at him. "I'll make it up to you." He added on.

He slid his eyes from over Wade's shoulder to look into his eyes. "I'm listening." 

Wade smiled. "Let me take you to dinner." After he said it he seemed hesitant, but it had already been said. 

Peter was shocked. It was a nice shock. He liked Wade, a lot actually. In all of the thirty minutes he'd known him. He was funny, and charming in his own way, and he was smart, and he made Peter happy. Plus, he was also nice to look at. 

As Peter thought all this Wade's face shut down and his smile dimmed to something that was clearly forced. "It's okay—"

"Yes!" Peter interrupted. Wade looked at him and Peter looked back. "Yes, I would really like to go to dinner with you. You totally owe me." Peter was greeted with the return of Wade's real, genuine smile at his words and it made something in him ease oddly. It was only odd because he'd known the man all of five minutes. "I was just surprised."

"Yeah." Wade rubbed the back of his neck. "Me trying to flirt is just lightly insulting you and teasing. Plus, making jokes."

Peter grinned. "It must be _really_ hard to tell when you're flirting then."

Wade nodded solemnly. "That's the problem." 

"You're paying right?" Peter questioned. "None of that split the bill shit? You owe me, so you pay." 

Wade laughed and nodded. "Yes, dearest. I'll pay." Peter rolled his eyes at the teasing pet name. 

"I don't have anything against splitting the bill, though. We can do that next time." 

Wade halted in his ministrations of packing his belongings. "Next time?" He asked, seeming surprised. He recovered quickly though, genuine satisfaction rolling off him. "That gone off me you're already planning the next one, are we?" He teased, a smirk on his lips. 

"Well, if you don't annoy me too much first," he admitted. "I highly doubt that's possible though." Wade was stunned into silence, that didn’t seem to something that happened a lot so Peter was enjoying it while it lasted. 

"However, yes, next time we split and then the time after that I will pay. A modern day arrangement of sorts." The man across from him was just staring at him, unblinkingly. It was odd, owlish brown eyes just looking at him with evident shock and fascination. Peter stepped forward. "Are you alright?" 

"How are you real?" Wade asked. 

"I don't know. Maybe I'm not." Peter grabbed Wade's hand and began dragging him toward the doors. "Or maybe I am. I have a feeling when I get some food in me you'll figure it all out." 

That was difficult part of it all, Peter thought. He had only met Wade because his student had plagiarized a paper and wanted him to talk Wade into changing her grade, he supposed he had to thank her. If not for her he wouldn’t have gotten this opportunity, because in his gut and the fluttery thing that was beating wildly in his chest told him that that’s what this was. An opportunity at something great. It was difficult because he had gone there not wanting to like Wade and left with Wade, arguing over which restaurant to go to.

He had Becca to thank for it all. Though he didn’t think she’d appreciate it, after all he didn’t convince Wade to change her grade.

**Author's Note:**

> alSO IF YOU have read my other batlantern fic i'm going to be updating it soon i promise. i'm just having trouble with this chap so yee, sorry but i'm gonna talk about that more soon. THANKS FOR READING I LOVE Y'ALL!!!! 
> 
> p.s - sorry for any grammatical errors, they're all mine and will probably be mended shortly bc i really do actually have ocd so i read and re-read stuff after it's posted even if i check for errors and when i find them it makes it worse so yeah.. but sorry if--there are probably some--there are any.


End file.
